A Brush With Fate
by LaurelNymph
Summary: AU: Feliciano lost contact with his crush, Ludwig, after graduation. Seven years later he runs into his friend again at work and their relationship revives. That Song Called Love universe, Gerita, w/other minor set pairings. Contains dark/mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is a sequel/companion to the AU story That Song Called Love that I wrote. It is not necessary to read that one first or at all to comprehend this story. However, if you like Prucan, you might enjoy it. I hope you enjoy this story and please review.**

**EDIT: This story contains the following pre-established couples: Prussia/Canada, Spain/S. Italy, and Greece/Japan.  
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**WARNING! This story contains many mature concepts such as infidelity and depression. It is not a happy story. For those of you who've read That Song Called Love, this story will be nothing like that one was. This is darker and deals with more harsh subjects. Turn back now if any of that bothers you.**

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Feliciano entered the gym of his high school and quickly scanned the crowd for a familiar head of blond, gelled hair, not even noticing that his brother hadn't followed him in. The room was a mass of teenagers all ready to put high school behind them tonight, most already in their blue caps and gowns. Thankfully, Ludwig's height set him slightly above the crowd and Feliciano let out an excited hum before dashing across the gym to his best friend.

"Ve~ Ludwig! I can't believe we're graduating!" Feliciano sang out happily before throwing his arms around him. Ludwig quickly shoved him off and looked away. Feliciano frowned.

"Ve, Ludwig, is something wrong?" he asked.

He wasn't the type of person who usually noticed things, but Ludwig's behavior as the end of high school drew closer had changed dramatically enough that even Feliciano had noticed. He barely spoke to anyone and was becoming, if possible, even more antisocial than before. Kiku had assured him when he had gone to his house for advice that is was merely the stress of college applications and that Ludwig would recover after he was accepted into a university. Feliciano had believed him but after Ludwig had chosen his school it had only gotten worse. It had Feliciano worried.

"Nothing's wrong," Ludwig said curtly before looking back at him. "Your mortarboard's crooked."

Feliciano's hands flew to his head and grabbed the sides of the mortarboard, trying fruitlessly to straighten it. Ludwig reached over and set it carefully on Feliciano's head, lining the corners up perfectly and draping the mortarboard's tassel carefully so that it hung over Feliciano's left cheek. He eyed him again and grabbed the shoulders of the gown and rearranged it so that the wrinkled gown (which had spent the last few days crumpled in Ludwig's car–Feliciano had forgotten it there) was hanging as straight as possible. He pulled off one of the sets of cords that were hanging around his neck.

"You left this in my car," he mumbled before pulling draping them around Feliciano's neck.

"Thank you, Ludwig," he said sheepishly. "It's a good thing I have you around! I don't know what I'd do without you." He grinned. Ludwig looked away again. Feliciano's grin faltered a bit before he plastered it back on and linked his arm with Ludwig's.

"Let's go find Kiku!" he suggested before tugging on his arm and heading toward the section where all of the IB students were milling with their stoles. They found Kiku at the edge of the crowd with Heracles, who had a suspicious moving lump in his gown. They greeted their friends and chatted (the lump occasionally meowing) until the teachers in charge of the graduation ceremony ordered them to get to their places. Giving his best friend one last hug, Feliciano skipped back to the spot where he was sitting with his brother (who had been out in the parking lot with Antonio the whole time).

"Ve~ brother, aren't you exited?" he asked his twin cheerfully, who scoffed in response.

"Che, I don't know what the big deal is," he muttered darkly before the teachers on their megaphones continued shouting instructions. The students filed down to the football field where there were rows of plastic chairs set up for the students and sat down in their assigned spots. Feliciano was thrilled when they sat down and discovered that Ludwig was in the row behind him. He tried to talk to Ludwig throughout most of the ceremony, but Lovino constantly yanked on his gown and pulled him back forward.

They watched as their friends names were called and finally their own. The ceremony passed smoothly (with the exception of a small white and brown cat who was wandering around the field and tripped a few graduating seniors) and soon it was over.

Friends and family joined their newly-graduated companions. Feliciano and Lovino found their grandfather and their friends who had graduated the year before. Antonio had obviously come to watch Lovino graduate, Matthew had come with his family to watch his brother, Alfred, graduate, which meant that Gilbert had come, too, both to see his little brother graduate and to spend time with his boyfriend of nearly two years. Francis, never one to skip out on a chance to hang out with his friends, had shown up as well.

It was after a few minutes of catching up with his family and friends that he realized that his best friend was nowhere to be seen.

"Ve, where's Ludwig?" Feliciano asked, looking around for his missing best friend.

"He's over there," Gilbert muttered, pointing and looking pained, "with our parents."

"Your parents?" exclaimed Matthew's mother. As if on cue, everyone looked over at Ludwig. Most of the group had never seen Gilbert and Ludwig's parents before and were eager to finally get a glimpse of the elusive Weillshmidts.

Their father had dark blond hair and a stern face. He was wearing an immaculate black suit and a deep frown etched on his face. Their mother, on the other hand, had light blonde hair and a rounder face, as well as a hint of a smile. She was wearing an expensive-looking green dress which hung nicely on her thin frame. It was clear which child took after which parent; Ludwig and his father were nearly identical and there were definite similarities between Gilbert and his mother.

"Dude, your mom's _hot_," Alfred stated. Ivan's face twisted slightly before slipping back into a small smile. Feliciano swallowed and took a step closer to grandfather. Alfred's mother leaned over and smacked him. "Oww! Mom!"

Gilbert didn't even seem to have noticed Alfred's remark. He was edging closer to Matthew and frowning deeply. Feliciano blinked in confusion before looking back over at Ludwig and his parents. Ludwig happened to look over at that time and Feliciano waved happily. A look of disapproval crossed his mother's face and Ludwig's father frowned even more deeply. Feliciano shuddered at the expression. It was scarier than any of the glares Ludwig had ever sent his way. He looked away and saw Gilbert hiding behind Ivan and the rest of the group looking at him awkwardly.

"Ve, Gilbert, what's wrong?" Feliciano asked, deeply concerned. Even he could see that something was up.

"Nothing's wrong, Feli," he replied, though he didn't move from his spot behind Ivan. Romano cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Antonio, how was the first year of college? It's been so long since I've seen you I never got a chance to ask."

"It was great, Señor Vargas," Antonio said happily before launching into a long story about his first year of college. Feliciano looked over again and saw Ludwig walking toward them, thankfully alone.

"Ludwig!" he said happily before rushing toward him. He stepped aside and neatly avoided Feliciano's hug. Feliciano frowned at the stiff and sad expression in his face. His heart clenched in worry. He still had no idea what was wrong with Ludwig but whatever it was, being around his parents seemed to make it worse.

"We're leaving now and I wanted to say goodbye to Gilbert," he said quietly, avoiding looking at Feliciano.

"Oh, he's over there," Feliciano said, pointing at Ivan. Ludwig nodded and took a step forward before Feliciano stopped him with a hand on his arm. He swallowed nervously. Ludwig kept looking away.

"Ludwig," he said softly. "Promise we'll keep in touch? Promise you won't forget me?"

"I promise," Ludwig said gruffly. Feliciano grabbed his hand and looped their pinky fingers together.

"Pinky promise?"

Ludwig sighed.

"Pinky promise."

Feliciano smiled at him. "Okay. I'll see you later, Ludwig. You promised."

Ludwig let a small smile cross his face.

"Goodbye, Feliciano," he said before going over to where Gilbert was still hiding. Feliciano watched the two brothers take a quick picture together before Ludwig rejoined his frowning parents. He watched them leave, Ludwig's words ringing in his head.

"He won't write you," Lovino said quietly next to him. His tone wasn't angry, like it usually was when he talked about Ludwig. Instead, he almost sounded sad.

"Yes, he will," Feliciano insisted. "He promised and I believe him."

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Lovino had been right. Feliciano wrote to Ludwig all of the time. He sent him plenty of emails and texts, all of which went unanswered. He even tried sending actual letters to Ludwig's school in hopes of reaching him.

No luck. No matter what he tried, he didn't receive a single reply. He kept trying to contact Ludwig for an entire year after graduation before he finally stopped trying. Occasionally, he would hear word of him through Antonio, who got news from Gilbert. That was how Feliciano knew when Ludwig had gotten married a few years later and his heart had broken completely. That day, he'd lost all faith in Ludwig's promise and any thought of trying to contact him died.

Feliciano tried to bury his hurt at Ludwig's betrayal with his art. He had known for a long time that he wouldn't be able to go through college and had decided to devote his life to the one thing he knew how to do well: art.

He and his grandfather had worked out a system for him. Romano paid half of his rent for a small studio apartment but Feliciano had been forced to get three part-time jobs to pay for the rest of the rent, his groceries, and the expensive art supplies he needed. Every spare moment he spent painting until he fell asleep at his easel.

Some of his paintings he managed to sell on the streets, usually at the beach where there were richer people who had the cash to blow on art. A few of his paintings he managed to get into mom and pop art stores, but for the most part, he remained just as poor as the day he'd graduated high school. The only improvement in his life in the seven years after graduation was selling enough paintings to be able to quit one of his part-time jobs and pay two thirds of the rent.

It was one of those days at the beach, painting the surfers on the waves, that changed his life forever. He'd been approached by a man in a suit who had offered him a big job, painting a huge mural in an office building. It was a steady, promised two months of work that paid three times as much as both of his paychecks combined. He immediately agreed.

He'd been briefed on his new job by the man, Mr. Jackson, right then and there. The business the man worked for had a building under construction and they wanted a large mural for the lobby.

"The boss' cousin wants one of those paintings that goes straight on the wall," Mr. Jackson had informed him through the cigar clenched eternally between his teeth.

"A fresco?"

He had shrugged.

"Something like that. We want something to show that we're a global company. A globe in the center with stuff around it. Can you do that, Vargas?"

Feliciano had done a few frescoes before so he nodded.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Jackson," he had replied.

"Then you'll start next week."

There was no room to argue. Feliciano had arranged to get half the paycheck before (which would last him long after the time it would take to do the actual job) and the second half later. Feliciano finished his week of work before quitting one of his two part-time jobs. The other, he managed to arrange so that he only worked on the weekends.

The new week started and he set out on the bus early to make sure he was at his new job on time. The entire building was half-completed. The lobby wasn't finished, but they'd put up the wall where the fresco was supposed to go and a plastic curtain around the area to protect the mural from any dust from the construction work The plaster supplies were all set out and Feliciano had brought his tools and the new paints he'd been given money for. He'd already sketched out what he was thinking of and Mr. Jackson had already approved it. He only had to get to work now.

He started with the arriccio. The twenty by eight foot rectangle for the painting took him all day to cover and several more days to dry. After it was dry enough, he was ready to begin sketching in the lines for the actual painting. He didn't have any assistants and Mr. Jackson had informed him that he had free range on the wall after the sketch was approved. Construction was still going on but no one bothered Feliciano and the noise wasn't too bad.

He started in the middle where the globe was supposed to go. After carefully measuring, Feliciano started sketching out the globe. He hummed and sang softly as he worked.

"Draw a circle, there is Earth. Draw a circle, there is Earth. Draw a circle..."

The next two days involved sketching out the globe with the other continents spreading out even larger behind it. Finally, on the second week after he began the project, he started mixing plaster. The wet mixture was smoothed down over the small portion of the wall he was working on and once it had firmed a little, he started to work.

Time flew by and before he knew it, the construction workers were all heading home. Feliciano packed away all of his tools before going out to catch the bus. He was exhausted and collapsed in his bed as soon as he'd eaten some dinner.

His days continued that way for two weeks before things changed. He was putting the finishing touches on the Northern tip of the globe when he heard the front door opening. Workers were always heading in and out so that wasn't anything new; what was new was Mr. Jackson's loud voice.

"Everything's going fine, Mr. Weillschmidt, we even got a cheap artist to get the job done."

Feliciano gasped at the name and dropped his paintbrush. As it fell, it dragged the bristles dripping with white paint down the dark blue and green globe.

"Merda!" Feliciano hissed as the paint smeared across the painting. He grabbed a rag and started blotting out the paint, listening eagerly for the other man's reply. It couldn't be him. It couldn't.

"That's good," a familiar deep voice answered. Feliciano felt his blood run cold. Oh, God, it was Ludwig. He started blotting the wall harder, desperately trying to get the white stain off of the wall.

"Want to see the progress? I caught a glimpse the other day and it's really going well."

"No," Feliciano whispered to himself. "Please, no, no, no, no, no."

"Yes, why not?"

Internally, Feliciano screamed. The white paint had barely left a mark on the wall, but he'd still have to go over a huge portion and fix it a secco later. There was a soft noise as the plastic curtains were pushed aside and Feliciano prayed for time to stop.

It didn't.

"Hello, Mr. Jackson," he greeted nervously, sneaking a quick look over to his companion.

"Hello, Vargas!" he boomed. "Got someone here today you should meet! Ludwig Weillschmidt! He's the cousin of our boss and the one who commissioned this fresca!"

"It's 'fresco'," both Feliciano and Ludwig said at the same time. Feliciano's heart was pounding. It was Ludwig all right. His hair was still slicked back with gel and he looked the exact same as the last time he seen him. He looked older of course; they both did. But there was no denying they both recognized each other from the moment their eyes locked.

"Right, right, fresco," Mr. Jackson mumbled. "At any rate, this here is Vargas." He took a look at the wall. "It's turning out nice, isn't it, Vargas?"

"Thank you, sir," he answered quietly.

"Very nice," Ludwig agreed, looking past Feliciano at the fresco.

"Thank you," he whispered again.

Then, Mr. Jackson and Ludwig walked away. After the elevator door had closed behind them with a _ding_ Feliciano let himself slide down the wall and collapse onto the floor. He buried his face into his folded knees and felt the wetness from his eyes drip onto his paint-stained pants.

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***IB stands for International ****Baccalaureate ****and it's a diploma that is accepted internationally. You get one from participating in a special program where the work is much harder than the regular classes in American high schools (which tend to be pretty easy). **

***A stole for a graduation gown looks kind of like a tie and is worn around the shoulders. It distinguishes that you've accomplished something special, like completing the IB program or an honors program. **

***Cords are also awarded for certain things, such as spending all four years of high school doing one sport or art. Feliciano got a cord for being in the art program all four years of high school. Ludwig got one from soccer.**

***Romano Vargas is Rome.**

***A fresco is a painting that is painted directly onto the plaster of a wall, either wet, called "buon fresco", or dry, called "a secco". Feliciano is using the more difficult buon fresco method. Mistakes in frescoes are very difficult to fix and usually done a secco.**

*******Arriccio is a rough layer underneath the plaster in the buon fresco method that must be laid down before any painting can begin.**

***"Merda" is Italian for "shit".**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I have realized that since this is a sequel, there's a lot of important background information that I took for granted that you would know when some of you might not. I will do my best from now on to be clearer on the background stories that I developed earlier and include those details here. If you're new to this universe and are confused about something, please let me know and I'll include it in the story to clear up any confusion. **

**Anyway, I have pretty much all of this story planned out already, so I think I'll be able to manage weekly updates, most likely on Thursdays. If all goes according to plan, I'll be done in October.**

**Thank you for all of the reviews. :) Please enjoy.**

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Ludwig had expected to have a normal day. It had certainly started out normal enough; as usual, he'd woken up early, showered, shaved, dressed, grabbed a quick breakfast, and kissed his wife good bye on his way out of the house. The only unusual thing he had expected that day was having to go observe the construction progress of their new office building and report to Roderich later to tell him how it was going. He never would have expected that he would run into the one person and emotion he had been running away from for nearly seven years that day, hiding behind a plastic curtain. As those plastic curtains protecting the fresco were pulled back by his personal assistant, he felt his world freeze for a moment.

That curl. It was the first thing he noticed. Then he saw the auburn hair and slim frame that he had fought so hard against all those years ago. Instantly, he felt the temperature in the room drop several degrees as a jolt of panic spread throughout his veins.

"Hello, Mr. Jackson." His voice was even the same. Ludwig barely heard Jackson's voice until he heard his own name.

"–cousin of our boss and the one who commissioned this fresca!"

"It's 'fresco'," he corrected, echoed by Feliciano. Their eyes met and he knew that he had been recognized, too. He barely heard Jackson as he (re)introduced him to Feliciano and praised the mural. He gathered his wits enough to pay attention to the conversation again, and, with a tinge of sadness, Ludwig realized that Feliciano had stopped making that strange "ve" sound he always used to make. He had always found it rather endearing, as much as he wanted to deny it, and hearing that syllable missing from his former best friend's vocabulary reminded him again of just how many years had passed since they'd seen each other last and the promise he had made knowing he wouldn't be able to keep it.

"Very nice," he found himself saying, agreeing with Jackson before they left the lobby and entered the elevator. Jackson was still talking, but Ludwig had tuned him out completely, fear settling in his chest.

Feliciano was here. After seven years of trying to forget his feelings for the Italian, he had shown back up in his life and to Ludwig's great disappointment, those feelings hadn't faded at all. He had hoped and prayed that separating himself from Feliciano would be enough to forget how much he cared for him but instead, the time apart almost seemed to have strengthened them. He'd wanted to forget so badly, knowing that he and Feliciano could never be together. Ludwig couldn't bear living with the constant reminder of what he'd been forced to give up.

That was why he had ignored all of Feliciano's messages, as difficult and painful as it had been. He'd had no other choice. His wealthy and prideful family would never accept Feliciano; not as a friend, and never as a lover. Gilbert had been disowned by their parents for that sin when he'd finally told them via a letter about his relationship with Matthew. They wouldn't even acknowledge his existence afterward. All traces of his older brother had been wiped from all of the family records; pictures, videos, and documents had all been unceremoniously burned. Ludwig was the only child his parents would acknowledge now, and with that came a grave responsibility to be the son his family wanted.

How could he abandon his parents, his flesh and blood, the people who'd brought him into this world for his own selfish desires? How could Ludwig disappoint them and break their hearts by throwing away all of what their family stood for? How could he leave his parents childless, humiliated in the eyes of high society by the sins of their sons? How could he destroy generations of a family legacy worth millions for something as fleeting and silly as his emotions?

He hadn't been able to. That was why he had ignored Feliciano's letters. It was why he had joined the family company under his cousin, Roderich. It was why he'd allowed his parents to arrange his marriage with Anna. He simply couldn't bring himself to disappoint them, even though it meant sacrificing everything that made him happy.

A short chime interrupted his thoughts and he realized that the elevator had reached the top of the building and Jackson was staring at him curiously.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I got distracted."

"I was just saying your office is down the hall here," Jackson repeated, shooting him a concerned look. "Is everything all right, Mr. Weillschmidt?"

"Yes," Ludwig lied, striding forward. "Everything's fine."

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After his reunion with Feliciano, Ludwig found himself constantly thinking about him. Of course he tried to push Feliciano to the back of his mind, where his memory had existed for so many years, but he failed miserably. Ludwig's thoughts became consumed with him, as if a dam had burst, finally allowing all of his bottled-up longing to break through. Memories of his friend resurfaced that he had thought he'd forgotten. Embarrassingly enough, Feliciano even invaded his dreams, writhing, naked and sweaty, something Ludwig had thought he'd left behind years ago. Thankfully, Anna was a heavy sleeper and either didn't notice what his dreams were doing to him or had just decided not to say anything. At any rate, Ludwig felt himself losing his desperate battle to forget Feliciano.

Three weeks after the incident in the lobby, he was woken up in the middle of the night from a particularly vivid dream by a bright flash of lightning followed a few seconds later by a loud clap of thunder. He jumped in shock, rousing Anna from her sleep.

"Ludwig?" she questioned sleepily, squinting up at him in the dark. "Is everything all right?" Ludwig took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heartbeat and beat down the embarrassed flush in his face.

"The thunder just surprised me," he mumbled. She shifted so that she was lying facing him, looking far more awake. Ludwig swallowed when he noticed the straps of her nightgown were slipping down her shoulders, exposing her pale cleavage.

"Not just now. You've been acting strangely for a while." A look of serious concern was on her face and Ludwig felt a stab of guilt that he was having these sorts of thoughts about Feliciano even though he was married.

"Really, there's nothing wrong," he insisted. Anna studied his face for a moment in another flash of lightning before kissing him softly.

"Ludwig, if there's anything wrong, you can always talk to me," she murmured as she drew away. Ludwig could have laughed at the irony that his wife was offering to talk about his undeniable attraction to another man.

"Nothing's wrong," he reassured her before moving in for another, deeper kiss, still aroused from his dream earlier. Ludwig tried to bury his lingering desire for Feliciano with Anna, but he couldn't shake the image of Feliciano underneath him rather than his wife.

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The storm that had woken Ludwig was still going strong when he woke up the next day and continued well into the afternoon, causing several car accidents. Several of them had taken place on the freeway, causing a huge backup in nearly every direction that led to his home and Ludwig knew that he wouldn't be able to get through. He drove in aimless circles, fruitlessly trying to find an alternate route that would take him home. Half an hour later, he managed to find a relatively-empty street and took it, deciding that any direction away from the nightmarish traffic was better than nothing. The cars thinned out and soon he was the only one on the street.

Looking around, Ludwig was surprised to see that he was in the neighborhood where their company's new building was currently being built. A bright red stop sign suddenly caught his eye and he quickly slammed his foot down on the brake. He slumped down and rested his forehead on the steering wheel. Was it impossible to escape his feelings for Feliciano? He sighed and looked glumly out the window before shouting in surprise.

Feliciano was sitting on a bench just outside his car. Willing his heart to calm down, Ludwig peered out the window again and saw that he was stopped in front of a bus stop, where Feliciano was sitting. He was already soaked, and the awning over the bus stop was doing little to prevent it. He was shivering as he waited under the flimsy awning for the bus that, due to the heavy traffic, was likely to be very, very late. Almost on its own, Ludwig's hand strayed to his car door and his index finger found the button that rolled down the window on the passenger side.

"W-would you like a ride?" he found himself saying, cursing himself for stuttering. Feliciano's head jerked up at the sound and his eyes widened in fear as he realized it was Ludwig. There seemed to be a brief internal struggle in Feliciano; get a ride home in a warm car and suffer the awkward atmosphere that was sure to envelop them the moment he got in or wait around, wet, in the cold and possibly fall ill.

"That would be great," Feliciano said before he grabbed his briefcase and climbed into Ludwig's car. Ludwig fought a shudder at the amount of water he was dripping on the inside of his car. Feliciano quickly gave him the address and, knowing already the general location of the building, Ludwig started driving. After that, an uncomfortable silence fell in the car, stretching on painfully. Occasionally, Feliciano would mumble directions, but other than that, the silence was as hideously awkward as they had both anticipated until Ludwig pulled up in front of the tiny apartment complex where Feliciano lived. Neither of them moved. Ludwig cleared his throat awkwardly.

"We're here."

"Ludwig, why didn't you ever write to me?" Feliciano asked quietly, staring at his folded hands in his lap. His voice trembled slightly and Ludwig guessed that he had probably been working up the courage to ask him this entire time. He tensed. How was he supposed to answer him? The truth was so selfish. He didn't want to admit it. Unable to make up his mind on what to do, he remained silent.

"I sent you so many messages; you had to have gotten some of them. I know you at least got my letters; they never got sent back to me. Why didn't you write me back? You promised you would keep in touch with me."

"I know," Ludwig choked out. He knew he had to say something, anything, but his mind was drawing up completely blank. What could he say?

"So it didn't mean anything to you?" Feliciano asked, the quavering in his voice being quickly replaced with anger. "You made that promise to me and you never meant to keep it."

Ludwig couldn't deny it. It was true.

"It might not have meant anything to you, but sure as hell did to me! I waited for you to write to me for so fucking long because I thought we were friends. You should have just told me from the beginning that you hated me and then I would have been much better off." Feliciano unbuckled his seatbelt angrily. "Lovino was right," he spat out, grabbing his things and exiting the car. "I was an idiot for falling in love with a bastard like you."

The loud slam of the car door finally jarred Ludwig from his silence. Feliciano was walking away from him and suddenly he didn't care about anything else. Not his family, not his job, not his loving wife waiting for him at home. He ripped the keys from the ignition and sprinted from the car, jabbing at the lock button and ignoring the rain that was still pouring down on him and ruining his suit.

"Feliciano, wait!" he shouted before he caught up to him, grabbing the artist by the wrist and swinging Feliciano back to face him.

"Let go of me!" Feliciano shouted before swinging his briefcase violently at Ludwig's head. He ducked to avoid the blow but didn't let go of Feliciano's arm, instead grabbing his other wrist to prevent him from trying to hit him again.

"Listen to me!" Ludwig cried out, forced to raise his voice over the loud sound of the rain slamming against the pavement, looking straight into Feliciano's angry eyes. "I never wrote to you, but not because I hated you. It was because I couldn't stand having you so close and knowing we could never be together."

Feliciano's expression changed, to a mixture of anger, disbelief, and hope.

"Let go of me," he repeated weakly, closing his eyes breaking their eye contact. Feliciano could feel his eyes tearing up and all he wanted was to crawl in bed and never get up again. "Just let go, please."

He felt a hand cup his chin and lips press against his own and seven years of hurt and anger suddenly slipped away. His briefcase fell from his now-released hands as he reached up and pulled Ludwig closer to him, deepening their kiss. He was aware that he should still be angry with Ludwig, but the warmth flooding through him as their lips moved in tandem was too wonderful to reject. He felt Ludwig's arms, still thick with muscles, close around him and pull their bodies even closer together. His fingers closed in Ludwig's blond hair, soaked from the rain, as if he would disappear if Feliciano let go. A soft moan escaped his lips as Ludwig ran his tongue across his lower lip. With herculean effort, Feliciano pulled away from the kiss, panting.

"I love you, Feliciano," Ludwig murmured, barely audible above the rain. "I've loved you since junior year." Feliciano blinked back tears. He had known Ludwig long enough to know that he truly meant what he had just said. He drew in a shuddering breath before letting a shaky smile stretch across his face.

"I still love you, Ludwig," he answered softly before letting his hands fall from Ludwig's hair. His cheeks were flushing as he grabbed Ludwig's hands, a silent understanding passing between them before they moved inside the lobby of the apartment complex and out of the rain. Trembling and still clutching Ludwig's large hand, Feliciano led him up the flights of stairs and to his own apartment, fishing his keys out of his pocket and hurriedly unlocking the door.

It wasn't the first time Feliciano had brought someone back to his apartment, and yet it felt completely different. This wasn't just raw carnality and lust. Neither of them was doing this for simply the sake of satisfying his own pleasure. Just the warmth of the contact of their hands meant more to Feliciano than any of his trysts in the past.

As the door closed behind them, Ludwig embraced him again, pressing their lips together once more. Feliciano shrugged out of his coat and let it fall to the floor with a damp splat. He noticed the twitch in Ludwig's face and giggled before ridding Ludwig of his own coat. Knowing that Ludwig held on to his old habits and was still obsessed with keeping things orderly was comforting to him; it almost felt like they were teenagers again, as if the last seven years had been some sort of awful nightmare. The rest of their clothing soon joined their coats, leaving a trail of wet laundry that lead to Feliciano's bedroom.

Sex had never been so meaningful to either of them before. Neither voiced it, but they both felt the same. Society told them that what they felt was wrong, but neither of them could deny that this moment was easily the most beautiful in their lives. Feliciano and Ludwig both lost themselves; forgetting everything that had ever kept them apart and for that night, they allowed themselves to simply love each other, without regret and without restraint.

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**A/N I know things moved kinda fast, but trust me, that's important later on. There is a method to my madness. Really, there is.**

**(This chapter was such a cheesefest. I felt like Nicholas Sparks writing it.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Just a small note to anybody new to my fanfiction: I welcome constructive criticism. If there's something that bothers you or you think didn't work, ****don't hesitate to say so****! You won't offend me or hurt my feelings, I promise. I can handle criticism.**

**Either way, please enjoy and thank you for all the reviews. :)**

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Feliciano woke slowly, sunlight from the rising sun slowly creeping into his room through the open curtains; the storm had broken sometime during the night. There was a small, nagging pull at the back of his consciousness, as if he was forgetting something important, but he brushed it off. Sighing sleepily he tightened his grip on the warm body lying next to him, pressing his face against the smooth muscle of the person's back and letting himself drift into a comfortable state of half sleep for a few more minutes before he finally had to admit he was awake. Stretching slowly, he finally opened his eyes and looked over at his partner from the night before. His stomach jolted at the familiar shock of blond hair and very quickly remembered what had happened the night before.

He had slept with Ludwig. Who was married. He swallowed with difficulty as a sick feeling enveloped him. His skin crawled and he felt dirty; he had never slept with a married person before and the realization of it wasn't pleasant. Guilt swept over him for a moment before he selfishly pushed it aside. He loved Ludwig more than his wife ever could and he had loved him longer. The logic was childish, but comforting to Feliciano and he sat up, surprised to see that Ludwig was still sound asleep.

For several minutes, he couldn't stop himself from observing Ludwig's sleeping face. The permanent frown and creases that he usually wore were relaxed, making him look several years younger, as if back in high school. Feliciano felt a wave of nostalgia hit him. Ludwig's hair was a mess, the gel mostly washed out of his hair from the pouring rain the night before, but still remaining in some places, which stuck up at odd angles. He smoothed down some of those pieces of hair, stopping when he heard a soft noise from Ludwig.

"Anna," he mumbled softly. Feliciano bit down on the inside of his lip, looking sharply away from Ludwig's sleeping form.

Staring at him, Feliciano had nearly forgotten that Ludwig had a wife. The soft nostalgia evaporated and Feliciano was brought back harshly to reality. He sighed and got out of bed, wincing at both the lingering pain from the night before and the wet shirt he had stepped onto. Their clothes were lying in sopping wet piles, all throughout the room and a few in the hallway he could see through his open door.

Feeling much worse than he had earlier, Feliciano grabbed a pair of clean boxers from a rickety chest of drawers and slipped them on, then set about picking up all of their wet clothes. Ludwig slept soundly as Feliciano wrung the water out as best as he could in the shower before he hastily dressed, still feeling as if there was a layer of grime on his skin. He took the damp clothing down to the building's laundry room, and placed the wet mess in the dryer, hoping that none of Ludwig's clothes needed to be dry cleaned.

Feliciano dragged himself back up to his apartment, biting back a sad groan when he heard the shower turn on. Even though they'd exchanged words and promises of love the night before, the harsh light of morning shed cruel light on the reality of their situation. Ludwig placed more value on his obligations to his family than to anything else. Feliciano had been able to see that even back in high school. Even though he had acted surprisingly spontaneously the night before, Feliciano had an awful suspicion that now would be the same as before. Now that Ludwig was awake, it was only a matter of time before that realization was actually voiced. Knowing him, he was already trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say in the shower.

Feliciano was glad he had woken up first. It gave him a bit of control over the situation. He had been able to deal with things at his own pace, and he hadn't had to see Ludwig when he'd realized what he'd done. At the very least, he hadn't woken up alone.

He plodded to the kitchen and heated water on the stove for instant coffee. Feliciano didn't really like coffee, but he kept it around for when his grandfather or Lovino visited him. He was only making some now because he knew Ludwig liked coffee and it gave him something to focus on other than the conversation he knew was coming. He already had a good idea of what Ludwig would say. Silently, Feliciano cursed his own spontaneity. He should have never let things go as far as they had. Ludwig had hurt him enough already. Why had he given him a chance to do it again?

The water eventually began bubbling and he poured some into two beat-up mugs before he carefully added the coffee mix to the hot water, along with plenty of milk and sugar in his. Ludwig seemed the type to like his coffee black, but he left out the other ingredients just in case. As he was stirring his coffee, bracing himself for a sip, he heard the water shut off. Clutching his mug, he took a few steps toward the bathroom and hesitantly knocked on the door.

"I–I'm drying your clothes." He looked at his alarm clock, which he could easily see in the small apartment, surprised at how his throat seemed to close up. "It'll be another fifteen minutes or so."

There was a pause, and then Ludwig cleared his throat.

"Thank you."

Feliciano lingered beside the door for a moment, debating whether or not to say something more. Turning quickly, he set his untouched coffee down on the table and hurried back to the laundry room where he stayed until their clothes were dry enough to wear. When the machine beeped signaling that the drying cycle had ended, Feliciano removed the clothes and folded them quickly before heading back upstairs, dread filling his heart. Above all, he didn't Ludwig to reject him. Throughout the years, he'd tried to his best to forget Ludwig and date other people, but had been unable to. Even though he, as well as Ludwig, had known deep down that it had been a mistake to let their emotions run away the night before, he couldn't deny that it had been a great relief to finally tell Ludwig his true feelings, act on them, and have them reciprocated.

He opened his apartment door and handed Ludwig his clothes. Wordlessly, he accepted his clothing and disappeared back into Feliciano's bedroom to get dressed. The mood was awkward and tense. Feliciano retrieved his coffee, though it was now cold. He sipped at it anyway, preferring to stare into the brown murky depths than Ludwig, who had reentered the room and sat down at the table across from him. Feliciano remained quiet. He really didn't want to say anything. He just wanted to find some sort of way to go back in time and stop himself from ever accepting the job painting the fresco that had led to this whole mess. Finally, Ludwig broke the silence.

"I'm sorry."

Feliciano didn't reply, still staring into his coffee. Ludwig continued, woodenly.

"I shouldn't have lost control over myself like I did." Feliciano could hear Ludwig swallow. He could feel his heart sinking down as the words he'd never wanted to hear from Ludwig came forth.

"This," Ludwig gestured jerkily at the table, "won't happen again. It was an accident." It was said more to himself than to Feliciano. Feliciano opened his mouth to agree, to capitulate, to let him walk away again, but a sudden fury overtook him and something else entirely made its way out of his throat.

"Why can't it?"

Ludwig's head jerked up as Feliciano slammed his mug down on the table, coffee spilling over the rim, and Ludwig found himself looking Feliciano straight in the eye. Ludwig swallowed again when he saw the anger brewing in Feliciano's eyes.

"Why can't it?" he repeated. To put it simply, he was sick of having to put up with Ludwig's refusal to please anybody but himself. Ludwig had been treating both Feliciano and himself second to his family for the entire time they'd known each other, and he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't care what he had to do, and he didn't care who he was going to hurt. He didn't care that he was being incredibly selfish; he didn't care if he was taking away another woman's husband; suddenly, all that mattered to him was having Ludwig all to himself even if it destroyed him.

Ludwig finally broke their eye contact, staring down at his own, barely sipped, cold mug of coffee.

"I'm married," he admitted quietly.

"I know," Feliciano replied bluntly. Even if he hadn't heard it from Antonio, the gold band on Ludwig's finger would have given it away. "And I don't really care."

Ludwig shook his head.

"I can't," he mumbled. "She's my wife. How can I do that to her?"

"Do you love her?" Feliciano asked quietly, though the anger he was feeling was still evident in his voice. Ludwig didn't reply.

"You don't," he answered for him, filling the silence that had fallen once more. Again, Ludwig remained silent. "So why does it matter?"

"My family–"

"I'm sick of hearing about your family!" Feliciano suddenly exploded, rising to his feet and shoving his coffee mug away from himself in an attempt to channel some of his anger. It tipped over, spilling even more coffee and flew off the edge of the table, shattering on the floor. "I am so sick of listening to you talk about your goddamn family! Why can't you just put yourself first, _for once in your life_?"

Feliciano could have laughed at the shocked and slightly scared look on Ludwig's face. He took a few calming breaths before he continued.

"What do _you_ want, Ludwig?" he questioned. Ludwig looked back down at the table.

"I have a duty to–"

"What. Do. You. _Want_." Each word was ground out.

"I want to be with you," Ludwig cried out in exasperation, "but I _can't_!" Feliciano finally looked away from Ludwig, choosing to move away from the table and lean against the wall, staring at the refrigerator instead of Ludwig. Another moment of tense silence followed.

"If you really want me, I'll always be here," Feliciano said quietly, deciding to break the silence and end this conversation. It wasn't going anywhere. "But if you don't, then would you just let me know so that I can move on?"

He heard a distinct creak as Ludwig got out of his chair and he fully expected him to leave. He didn't, however, expect him to lean against the wall next to him, their arms brushing against each other.

"I... I do want to be with you," he murmured quietly. "But how?"

"We can figure something out," Feliciano answered before he pressed himself against Ludwig, wrapping his arms around him. Hesitantly, Ludwig returned the hug. Feliciano sighed happily, nuzzling against Ludwig, happy that for once in their relationship, Ludwig was putting him first.

"What about Anna?" Ludwig suddenly asked, even more quietly than before. "What am I supposed to tell her?"

Feliciano sighed again, though this time it was out of exasperation.

"Tell her something came up," he offered. "I'm sure you can think of something."

Ludwig took a deep, ragged breath.

"Okay."

**

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**

When Ludwig pulled to a stop in his driveway, he was understandably nervous. He didn't love Anna, but he did care about her enough to feel terrible about worrying her by staying out all night and cheating on her. It was only after a good five minutes of sitting in the driveway and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel before he could get out of the car and unlock his front door. His feelings of guilt deepened when he saw Anna, asleep on their couch, still wearing her clothes from the day before. It was clear that she had stayed up all night, waiting for him to come home and wondering where he was. He dropped his briefcase and coat to gently pick her up, intending to carry Anna to their bedroom so that she could sleep more comfortably. He was partway up the stairs when she woke.

"Ludwig!" she cried out, struggling slightly before realizing that he was carrying her. "Where were you last night?" she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest defensively. Ludwig's reply stuck in his throat when he saw that Anna's eyes were red.

"I got caught in the storm," he said carefully when he had composed himself. "All of the freeways were backed up so I just decided to stay at an old friend's house instead of risking staying stuck on the freeway all night or getting into an accident."

Anna bit the inside of her lip, looking away from him.

"Why didn't you call me to tell me where you were?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly with both pain and suspicion.

"My cell battery died," Ludwig said, the guilt inside him intensifying with every word. "I forgot to charge it."

"Why didn't you call from another phone? You were at a friend's house, surely he had a phone?"

"Uh, I don't have any phone numbers memorized," Ludwig lied, feigning embarrassment over the phone number. "Now that you can program them into your phone, it's harder to memorize numbers."

"That is true," Anna admitted begrudgingly. "I don't know anybody's number by heart anymore."

There was a moment of silence before Ludwig reached their bedroom and set Anna gently down on their bed.

"I thought you had gotten into a car accident," she finally confessed, her voice cracking as the tears she had been attempting to hold back started to break through. "I was so worried. I had no idea what had happened to you. You could have been dead for all I knew."

"I'm so sorry," Ludwig muttered, looking away from her to find a tissue to give her. He was ashamed of himself, both for causing his wife so much pain and for knowing that he would do it all over again. His apology wasn't just for worrying her. It was for everything that had happened and would happen with Feliciano, too. Anna accepted the tissue he handed her and dabbed at her eyes.

"So this doesn't happen again, let's be sure to memorize all of our important numbers," Anna declared when she had recovered enough to speak. "Okay?"

"Okay," Ludwig promised her. "I promise."

Anna smiled weakly.

"I promise, too," she said before getting up and heading back downstairs.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No," Ludwig replied before he followed her downstairs.

**

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***I should write soap operas. **

***This entire chapter was written while listening to Rammstein. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Sorry this was so late. I had major writer's block.**

**Anyway, this story is supposed to be fairly short, only ten chapters, but it takes place over a few years. Starting with this chapter, there will be large time skips between chapters and possibly in the middle of chapters. Most of the chapters now take place a few months apart from each other. There **_**is**_** a point to that. You'll see.**

**Please enjoy and thank you for all the reviews. :)**

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Feliciano hummed as he brought his pencil to the canvas sitting on his easel. It had been quite some time since he'd been able to paint a personal project. The fresco for the Weillschmidt's new office building had taken him longer than he'd previously estimated, but he'd finished the job two months ago. Much of his time since then had been spent trying to find a new part-time job now that he was no longer receiving the generous pay from the Weillschmidt's company. After weeks of searching, he'd found another job, as well as a few more painting commissions, which had kept him very busy.

Not to mention there was also Ludwig. True to his promise, they'd worked out a system so that they would be able to see each other without rousing suspicion from either of their families. This often involved Ludwig shifting his schedule around to clear days he could spend with his lover, and Feliciano sacrificing most of his leisure time. But he didn't mind. Being able to see Ludwig was worth it.

Feliciano returned to sketching out his new painting, quickly becoming absorbed in the project. He was only jolted from drawing when he heard a key twist in the lock. His heart leaped in excitement as the door swung open, revealing Ludwig, struggling to close the door and juggle a box on one arm. Feliciano hurried over to the door and relieved Ludwig of the package so that he could get his keys back and shut it. Feliciano had made him a copy soon after their affair had begun.

Now that his hands were free, Ludwig drew Feliciano into a kiss. He sighed against Ludwig's mouth and he took advantage of Feliciano's now-parted lips to deepen the kiss. Feliciano had to admit he had been surprised by how out of character Ludwig acted and how much affection he showed when they were together in private. He'd eventually come to the conclusion that Ludwig had been so repressed all of his life, once the dam had burst, his emotions flowed easily. The arm around his waist tightened and the edges of the box he had forgotten he was still holding dug into his rib cage.

Apparently, it had pressed uncomfortably against Ludwig too, for he pulled away, a dull red flush crawling up into his face. Feliciano fought back the urge to giggle. It was cute how flustered Ludwig could get sometimes.

"What's in the box?" he asked to relieve Ludwig of his embarrassment.

"Open it," he said in response. Feliciano did, to reveal a beautifully baked tiramisú, with the words "Happy Birthday" standing out from the cocoa powder sprinkled on the top layer of the Italian cake.

"Tiramisú!" Feliciano exclaimed, delighted. He pecked Ludwig on the cheek happily before taking the cake into the kitchen. "Thanks, Ludwig!"

"You're welcome. I brought candles, too," Ludwig added as he followed Feliciano, taking a small package out of his coat pocket. Feliciano set the cake down, but couldn't resist getting a fork and taking a taste bite of the tiramisú. His eyes flew open in surprise.

"I bought it at an Italian bakery," Ludwig informed him. "Is it good?" Feliciano nodded fervently, still savoring the taste. He licked the fork to get the last bits of the coffee and rum flavor, grinning when he saw the look on Ludwig's face. He licked the fork again, more sensuously this time, enjoying the shudder that came from Ludwig. He quickly pulled something else from his pocket and shoved it at Feliciano.

"Before I forget, I wanted to give you this." Feliciano accepted the item. It was an envelope, addressed to him. "The company is throwing a party since our new building is finished and ready for business. You're invited, of course. It's next month."

"Sounds fun," Feliciano commented, setting the envelope on the counter, where he trusted it wouldn't get damaged before heading back to the stove. "Dinner's ready," he announced after checking on the food. He and Ludwig enjoyed their dinner before Feliciano brought out the cake again. Ludwig opened the box of candles and glanced up at Feliciano.

"How many candles do you want? There are only twenty-four in the box."

"Twenty-four's not that far off. Just use them all," Feliciano decided. Ludwig set about sticking the candles in the cake, setting them up in perfect lines, as if they were soldiers standing in ranks. Feliciano found himself smiling helplessly. Not matter what, there were something things about Ludwig that would never change. And those were the things that made him love Ludwig the most.

**

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**

The party to celebrate the completion of the company's new office building took place on the rooftop of the Hilton Checkers Hotel in Los Angeles. Feliciano borrowed a suit from his grandfather to wear (he had never needed one of his own until now) and got a ride to the hotel from Lovino, who had a quinceañera to cater in the city. Grumbling, Lovino dropped him off a block away from the hotel before heading off to rejoin the other employees that worked in his catering business.

Feliciano entered the hotel, feeling shabby when he was questioned by the security guards up his entry. The discomfort increased as he walked into the elevator and the couple inside instantly shuffled father away, eyeing him carefully as if he were about to do something dangerous. The man was wearing a high quality suit and the woman was clad in a beautiful gown that probably cost more than his apartment. He realized just how out of place he looked. When the elevator reached the top of the building, Feliciano left it eagerly.

The Weillschmidts hadn't spared any cost for their party. The location was magnificent. The sun had just set and the lit windows of the city's skyscrapers formed a glittering skyline clearly visible from the roof of the Hilton. The rooftop deck was beautiful; potted plants added a dash of green to the building's beige color scheme. People milled about, dressed in clothing that could easily pay for Feliciano's entire apartment building. There was a bar that he could see and he skirted the edge of the crowd to get a drink. He desperately needed one.

The food and drinks available were also of top notch quality. Feliciano accepted a glass of expensive wine and sipped slowly, enjoying the taste, knowing that he'd never drink anything of that high quality again. As he drank, he watched the crowd, looking for Ludwig. The wine soured on his tongue when Feliciano finally saw him, with his arm around a blonde woman who he assumed was Anna, chatting with a few other people. Bitterly, Feliciano drained his glass of wine and then headed back to the bar to get another one.

He'd started on his second glass and was wandering aimlessly when Ludwig happened to turn around and see him. As their eyes met, Ludwig's arm fell from his wife's waist, as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The sudden movement and lack of touch startled the woman and she turned in surprise, looking in the same direction as Ludwig before apparently questioning him. Ludwig said something to her and she moved forward, heading straight for Feliciano, Ludwig trailing behind awkwardly. Unsure of what to do, Feliciano stayed put until the couple was standing right in front of him.

"Hello, Feliciano," Ludwig said, doing his best to control his voice and sound as neutral as possible. He cleared his throat. "This is my wife, Anna. Anna, this is Feliciano Vargas."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Anna said smoothly, shifting her champagne flute to her left hand and offering her right. Her hair was a light shade of blonde and swept up into an elegant knot. She had green eyes and a pretty face. Her dark blue dress was strapless and framed her narrow waist well. She was a beautiful woman. Feliciano hated her already. He'd felt relatively neutral about her before, but that was because until that moment, she had been immaterial. He hadn't known what she looked or acted like. Now that she was a real person, standing before him with his Ludwig, he couldn't stop himself from feeling intense jealousy toward her. He contorted his face into a forced smile and shook her hand.

"It's wonderful to meet you, too!" he lied. "Ludwig's told me so much about you!" A light blush dusted her cheeks.

"Has he?" she asked, smiling flirtatiously back at Ludwig. Feliciano's fought back a gag when he smiled warmly back.

"Of course," Ludwig replied, though Feliciano could hear some strain in his voice. Feliciano took another sip of wine to settle the ill feeling in his stomach, enjoying how the red liquid blocked out Anna's body when he lifted the glass up.

"Mr. Weillschmidt," a hotel page interrupted, coming to rest stiffly before the group. "There's a call for you."

Ludwig quickly glanced back and forth at Feliciano and Anna, hesitant to leave his wife and lover alone together, even if she was completely ignorant of his true relationship with Feliciano. Anna placed a hand on Ludwig's forearm comfortingly.

"Go ahead and answer your call, it's probably something important," Anna suggested.

"All right," Ludwig mumbled before following after the page with a grimace on his face. Feliciano took another gulp of wine to fill the silence that followed, emptying the glass.

"My husband told me you're the one who painted that wonderful fresco in the new lobby," Anna commented, filling the awkward silence.

"Yes," Feliciano agreed, allowing himself a little bit of pride. The fresco _had_ turned out beautifully. It was quite possibly his best work yet.

"I studied art in college," she said brightly. "I wanted to be an artist, too, but my family had other plans for me."

"Ludwig?" Feliciano asked. She nodded before taking a sip of her own drink, finishing it. "Let me get you a refill," he offered, but only because he wanted his own glass refilled, not to mention it would get him away from Anna.

"Yes, please. Just cider," she replied, handing him her champagne flute.

"Cider?" he questioned. She looked around before leaning in closer to him.

"Don't say anything to Ludwig, because I'm not sure yet. I still have to see my doctor, but," she paused and giggled. "I don't think I should be drinking alcohol right now."

"Ah, I see," Feliciano said, even though he had no idea what she meant. Instead, he just took both of their glasses to the bar and had them refilled. Ludwig had returned by the time Feliciano came back with their drinks and they chatted for a while more, though Feliciano couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding about Anna's strange words.

**

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**

It wasn't until the next week that her words became clear.

It was while Ludwig was in his car. He'd managed to squeeze several appointments together in one day earlier in the week and had thus freed up a few hours to go see Feliciano that day. He'd been looking forward to seeing his lover all week, and was speeding slightly as he drove to Feliciano's apartment building. Halfway there, his cell phone rang. He took his eyes off of the road for a moment to glance at the caller ID. It was Anna. Ludwig had a silent inner battle on whether or not to pick up the phone before he reluctantly answered.

"Hello?"

"Ludwig!" Anna's happy voice came from the device. "You're not busy right now, are you?"

"No," Ludwig answered. "What is it?"

"I just got back from the doctor's!"

Ludwig frowned. Anna had never said anything about having a doctor's appointment. His heart raced at the thought that she might be sick. He pulled over quickly, afraid that the news would be bad.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, in a slight panic, his grip on the phone tightening.

"No, nothing's wrong," Anna replied, still cheerful. Ludwig let out a sigh of relief. "I'm pregnant."

The phone fell from his hand, landing with a resounding clunk on the floor of his car. Ludwig was suddenly grateful that he had decided to pull over. After taking a few calming breaths, he picked up the phone, his mind still spinning.

"What?" he asked weakly.

"We're going to have a baby!" Anna rephrased excitedly. Ludwig swallowed with great difficulty.

"A baby?" he mumbled. On the other line, Anna made an affirmative noise. As the idea finally seeped into his brain, a smile spread across his face.

"That's wonderful!" he finally said. He was going to be a father! A giddy feeling filled him at the realization. He quickly dragged his attention back to the phone when he realized Anna was still talking to him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I got distracted. What did you say?"

"Nothing much, I was just saying that I called because I wanted you to know about the baby. You said you wouldn't be home until late tonight, and I didn't want to have to wait until tomorrow to tell you."

Guilt swept through Ludwig. It was a common enough feeling that assaulted him whenever he thought about his affair with Feliciano, but today his sins seemed even worse.

"I can make it home early," he suddenly found himself promising his wife. "I'll leave soon."

"You don't have to," Anna assured him. "If you have important things to do at work, take care of that first!"

"No, no, I'll come home," Ludwig insisted. "I didn't have anything important planned this afternoon anyway."

**

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**

Feliciano hummed under his breath as he set the wine bottle he had splurged on in a bucket of ice in the middle of the kitchen table. He surveyed the room one more time, checking on the various pots and pans on the stove. He made a noise of satisfaction. Everything was perfect. He'd been preparing for his date with Ludwig for the last hour, forgoing a new painting, which sat incomplete on his easel. Feliciano had just gone to change out of his clothes when the phone rang.

"Hello?" he greeted.

"Feliciano."

"Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed, noting that he had a strange quality to his voice. He threw a glance over at his clock. He still had some time before Ludwig was supposed to show up. "Is something wrong?"

"Er, yes. Something came up. I can't make it tonight. I'm sorry."

Ludwig might've hung up; if he did, Feliciano didn't notice. The phone had already slipped from his hand and cracked upon its impact with the floor.

That was the same excuse he'd told Ludwig to say to Anna.

**

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***The Hilton Checkers Los Angeles lets you host events on the rooftop pool and spa level. It's absolutely gorgeous. At least, it is in the pictures. I've never been there before (and never will).**

***By the way, there's a fanbook currently in the works about Christmas and Hetalia that you might be interested in. Go here http:/ christmasfanbook. wordpress. com/ for more information, but it's basically going to be a "A Christmas Carol" themed-fanbook, where each of the ten featured characters gets a fanfic and a few fancomics/art about a Christmas Past, Present, and Future. I'm working on a project to submit for this book, so I might end up in there! At any rate, you can ask for this fanbook as a Christmas present, since it'll be on sale just in time for the holiday season! So check it out, it's going to be great!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Halfway done already, I can't believe it! I didn't have That Song Called Love all planned out like I have this one, so the length was a total surprise for me! I was shocked when it ended up that long! Anyway, enough rambling from me!**

**Please enjoy and thank you for all the reviews. :)**

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When Feliciano awoke, it was to a throbbing headache and a foul taste in his mouth. Groaning, he stumbled into his bathroom and collapsed in front of the toilet. His stomach spasmed and hot bile forced its way from his throat. After his stomach was empty, Feliciano slumped against the toilet, enjoying the sensation of the cool porcelain against his throbbing temples. He forced his weary eyes open, squinting in the bright, painful light that suddenly assaulted him. The room spun; he moaned and closed his eyes again as another wave a nausea hit him. After a few moments, it passed and Feliciano carefully opened his eyes again.

He was alone.

The sudden realization of that was enough to remind Feliciano if what had happened the night before. His eyes squeezed shut and Feliciano fought back tears. He'd cried all night in sadness, anger, and jealousy. Ludwig's wife was pregnant and Ludwig had abandoned him again. A sick feeling lodged itself in Feliciano's ribcage. Unsteadily, he managed to get to his feet and reentered his bedroom and threw himself back onto his bed. Something hard and round poked at his stomach as he landed. Feliciano rolled off of the object and then took a closer look.

It was the bottle of wine he'd intended to share with Ludwig, completely empty. At least now he had an explanation for his hangover. A sob managed to escape his throat before he stopped himself, biting down on his knuckle to keep from crying. He laid there for a few minutes until he had enough energy to rise. He went straight to his easel, where his latest painting was sitting innocently.

It was a lake at sunset. Warm colors bathed two indistinguishable figures sitting on a blanket near the lake, covered by the shade of the trees. Feliciano's heart clenched in betrayal and anger. He had honestly thought things would be different with Ludwig this time.

"I'm such an idiot," he whispered to himself. He stared at the half-completed painting blankly. It seemed to mock him; he would never have the happiness the oblivious couple in the painting had. He would never share a sweet moment like that with Ludwig. A rush of anger filled him and his arm shot out and swept the canvas off of the easel. Feliciano screamed; the wood splintered as it hit the wall, then crumpled to the floor. The frame of the painting was disjointed and the canvas stretched horribly, a tear splitting the scene, separating the couple that could never be. Feliciano clutched his arm, bruised from the force with which he'd hit the painting. His head was throbbing anew with the angry blood rushing through his veins.

Panting heavily, he wrenched the fabric from the broken pieces of wood, shredding the remains of the scene with his bare hands. Trembling, he threw the final pieces of fabric to the ground and was left standing amidst the broken pieces, breathing heavily. Destroying the painting had drained him of a great deal of his pain, but it wasn't enough. Ignoring the shooting pain in his arm at the point where it had connected with wood and the raw stinging on his palms from ripping the sturdy canvas, Feliciano snatched a blank canvas and slammed it on the easel. Paint was added to his palatte with the same level of intensity, the colors splashing and mixing as they crashed down on the palette; blacks, reds, browns, and purples.

He picked up a brush and gripped it tightly before relentlessly driving it into the paint and stabbing it angrily into the canvas. Grunts and swears spilled from his lips as he smeared the dark, ugly colors into the canvas, his strokes nearly puncturing the canvas. In each stroke burned his hatred; hatred for Anna, for stealing his Ludwig from him, anger at society, for deeming what they had shared wrong, hatred for Ludwig, for hurting him over and over, and above all, hatred for himself, for still desperately wanting to cling onto what little he had left with him.

In his frenzy, Feliciano wasn't aware of how much time had passed as he relentlessly attacked the canvas. He was only aware of the fact that when he finally stepped back from the painting, messy and raw, his heart felt numb and he finally felt at peace before he collapsed.

**

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"_I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please check the number or_–"

Feliciano dropped the phone back on its hook, cutting off the automated recording. He slumped against the wall in disappointment. In the last few months, he'd heard that recording more than he heard Ludwig's voice. More often than not, Ludwig was too busy with preparations for the coming baby nowadays to pick up his phone. The amount of time he and Feliciano were able to spend together had been drastically cut down as Anna's pregnancy progressed.

Feliciano sighed and headed for work bitterly. He spent his entire day in an awful mood. He was grateful that he had stockroom duty that day; the heavy lifting helped him channel his frustrations. He couldn't bear how much closer Ludwig was drawing to Anna. He'd always taken comfort before in the fact that their marriage had been arranged and that Ludwig didn't love Anna. Now, with all of the time, dedication, and effort he was spending on her and their baby, Feliciano wasn't sure. It was a constant ache that reverberated deep in his heart.

These thoughts swamped him and by the time Feliciano got home, he desperately needed a drink. He knew it wasn't healthy, and he knew that he was just making more problems for himself, but alcohol made it so easy for him to escape his problems, if just for a little while. It was the only thing that helped him feel normal now. After snatching a beer out of the fridge, a brand that Ludwig had introduced him to, Feliciano realized sadly, he settled on his couch sullenly. As the bottle slowly drained, he started feeling better. As he cracked open a second bottle, the phone began to ring.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano breathed, throwing himself off of the couch, stumbling from the amount of alcohol he'd consumed, and rushing to the phone, praying that it was him.

"Hello?" he gasped into the phone.

"_Feli? It's Lovino_."

Crushing disappointment filled Feliciano.

"Oh," he mumbled. "Hi, Lovi."

"_What the hell do you sound so disappointed for__?_" Lovino's voice barked from the phone.

"Sorry."

"_Whatever_. _I'm outside so let me in, dammit! It's fucking hot out here_."

Feliciano hit the button on the phone that opened the apartment building's gate then hung up. A minute or two later, angry knocking started on Feliciano's door. He shuffled over to the front door and unlocked it before retreating back to his former position lying on the couch and took a swig of his new beer. Lovino let himself into the apartment and glanced around, taking in the general clutter and dirt.

"Feli, what the hell's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing," Feliciano muttered, glad that the couch was angled in a way that Lovino couldn't see him. It made lying that much easier.

"You call this 'nothing'?" Lovino snapped. "Your apartment's a mess and we haven't heard from you in days! Nonno's worried, Antonio's worried, _I'm_ worried." Feliciano flinched; he could tell by his brother's tone that he was being completely serious. "We all know there's _something_ wrong. What is it?"

Feliciano looked away from his brother, staring into the amber liquid in the bottle. There was no way he could tell Lovino about what was really wrong. He'd die of shame if his family ever found out what awful sins he was committing.

"There'sh nothing wrong," he repeated, silently cursing when he heard the telltale slur in his own voice as the alcohol finally caught up to him. Lovino made an angry noise as he recognized the sign. He strode across the room and snatched the bottle of beer away from Feliciano. He shot up in anger as the bottle left his hand. "Hey!"

Lovino read the label, then stared at his brother in abject horror. Feliciano looked away, unable to bear the look. After a moment, Lovino recovered and stormed to the kitchen. Feliciano followed him and nearly cried out as he started pouring the beer down the sink.

"Stop it!" he shouted and tried to wrestle the bottle away from Lovino. "Lovi, give it back!"

"No!" Lovino spat out, tossing the now-empty bottle into Feliciano's overflowing trashcan before he went over to the fridge and wrenched it open. His eyes widened at the sight of the fridge, empty of any food but two six-packs of beer and a few bottles of wine. Lovino's shoulders slumped when he saw the contents of his fridge and Feliciano turned away, unable to bear looking at his brother and seeing his disappointment.

"Feliciano," Lovino said softly after a moment of silence. "Whatever's wrong, this isn't going to help."

Feliciano remained silent. Lovino shut the fridge door.

"You remember Papà _died_ from alcohol poisoning, don't you?" Lovino added angrily, reminding Feliciano of their first-hand account of how easily alcohol could ruin a life. Feliciano nodded, even though Lovino couldn't see him. Tears blurred his vision. There was so much pain, too much to deal with. He didn't care anymore what happened to him; he just wanted the pain to end. Lovino walked back over to his brother, put a hand on his shoulder, and gently led him to the kitchen table where he collapsed into a chair.

"I'm taking these with me," Lovino declared from the fridge, where he had balanced the beer and all of the wine bottles in his arms. "I'm going to the market and then I'll be right back."

The front door closed. Feliciano closed his eyes and slipped into an uneasy slumber. Some time later, the door opened again, waking him.

"Ludwig?" he questioned, his head shooting up from where he had been lying on the table. Lovino stared blankly back at him, grocery store bags hanging from his hands. Feliciano's face flushed. Lovino sighed but said nothing, for which Feliciano was grateful. Instead, he set the grocery bags down on the counter before unpacking them and starting dinner.

They ate in silence, then the two brothers cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, the silence stretching on uncomfortably. Neither of them really knew what to say.

"Feli," Lovino said, finally breaking the silence. "I'm leaving now, but I'm coming back tomorrow to finish talking about this."

"Okay," he mumbled softly before letting his brother out and locking the door behind him. Feliciano was exhausted and immediately headed back to his bed and fell asleep.

**

* * *

**

The next morning, as Feliciano ate his breakfast miserably, the phone started ringing. Lovino was here earlier than he had thought he would be. Feliciano groaned; he absolutely did not want to talk about what had happened the night before. He answered the phone anyway, knowing that Lovino wouldn't quit until he had beaten some sense into his brother.

"_Feliciano_?"

Feliciano's heart nearly stopped beating.

"Ludwig!" he cried out, an intense feeling of relief washing over him.

"_I'm so sorry I couldn't call you back yesterday, I was too busy._"

"That's fine, that's fine!" Feliciano reassured him, excited to be finally hearing his voice again. "I understand!"

"_Listen, Anna wants to go visit her parents next weekend_. _I don't have any work then so I thought we could spend that weekend together._"

"Yes, of course!" Feliciano agreed, a huge grin settling on his face. Pure elation filled him. This was proof: Ludwig really did care. Feliciano suddenly felt foolish. Why on earth had he even _considered_ the thought that Ludwig didn't care? He felt slightly guilty at the thought, now. He should have never doubted Ludwig. Just the sound of his voice was soothing enough to make him forget the last few months.

"_We could go someplace nice_," Ludwig suggested over the phone.

"Anywhere's perfect," Feliciano declared happily. They discussed the upcoming weekend for a little while longer, then said goodbye to each other. Feliciano hung up the phone a completely changed man. Whereas before he had felt defeated and unloved, now he felt like he was on top of the world. After quickly finishing his breakfast, Feliciano set about cleaning up his apartment, singing joyfully. He'd thrown the trash out and started one of the many loads of laundry he'd have to do that day when the phone rang again. This time, it really was Lovino and Feliciano happily let him in.

Lovino entered the apartment, a look of shock upon his face when he saw how much better Feliciano looked and that he was cleaning up. Feliciano managed to convince Lovino that what had happened the night before was a one-time thing only and that things really were fine. After a while, Lovino appeared to accept it and they did the rest of the cleaning together, the previous night and its revelation seemingly forgotten.

"Don't think you're off the hook just yet!" Lovino insisted before leaving Feliciano's apartment. "I'm still going to keep checking up on you. I'm not letting what happened to Papà happen to you, you got that?"

Feliciano merely smiled and agreed, then Lovino left. Feliciano sighed happily before settling down on his couch in his nice clean apartment to think about the vacation he and Ludwig were going to take.

**

* * *

**

Feliciano let Ludwig plan out their weekend and he chose to go to Napa Valley. Feliciano had the feeling Ludwig had picked out that place because he thought that Feliciano would like it. The thought made him happy. The entire week leading up to their trip, he could barely contain his excitement. Anna was busy with the preparations for her visit, which left Ludwig with plenty of time to plan his own trip out with his lover. Feliciano managed to shift around his work schedule to free up a weekend so that, on the next Friday afternoon, he was able to go with Ludwig to the airport.

He hadn't been on an airplane since he and Lovino had been sent to Italy to live with their grandfather when they had been eight. This time, though, he wasn't weighed down with sorrow and he was able to enjoy the short flight, staring out the window and chattering happily to Ludwig about their planned weekend.

They arrived in Northern California in the evening and went straight to their hotel to check in and drop off their luggage. The room was spacious and had a lovely green color scheme. While Ludwig changed his clothes, Feliciano explored the room, feeling a little guilty about how nice it was. Ludwig had gotten seats in business class for the plane ride and the hotel room was clearly expensive. There was no denying that Ludwig had quite a bit more money than Feliciano did, but he didn't like relying on Ludwig's charity. Staring around the room, Feliciano became determined to pay for as much of the trip as he could.

Shortly afterward, Ludwig emerged from the bathroom and smiling, they headed out for dinner. Feliciano vaguely noticed that they were getting weird stares from the hotel staff, but ignored them. The two lovers enjoyed their dinner, which Feliciano insisted on paying for. After dinner, they simply enjoyed walking around before they returned to the hotel and the last few months of awkwardness in their relationship seemed to melt away in each others' arms.

They spent all of Saturday wine tasting. Ludwig and Feliciano were both pleasantly surprised at how good California wine was. They returned to their hotel tipsy but happy. On Sunday morning, however, Feliciano woke with a feeling of dread lodged in his stomach. As wonderful as the weekend had been, that night they had to return to the way things normally were. Feliciano snuggled deeper into Ludwig's side, determined to keep up the fantasy for as long as possible. But time moved unflinchingly forward and that night he was back in his own dingy apartment, sleeping alone.

**

* * *

**

After that weekend, Feliciano was pleased to notice that Ludwig seemed to be trying harder to spend more time together. But things didn't always work out. As the baby's delivery date drew closer, more and more often Ludwig would have to put off or cancel their plans. Feliciano was trying his hardest to be understanding, but it wasn't easy. He felt horribly selfish, wanting Ludwig to be with himself and himself alone so badly. His mood changed rapidly and self-hatred filled him as he realized the extent of his jealously; his drinking slowly became more and more erratic, nearly normal some days and others, much worse. Feliciano kept going each day based on the undying faith that he had in Ludwig and in their love.

That faith was finally shaken when he first saw a picture of the new family in the hospital; Anna and Ludwig looked tired but happy, and they had matching looks of pure adoration for both their little girl and for each other.

**

* * *

**

***"Nonno" should be "grandfather", if Google translator can be trusted. **

***"Papà" should be "Dad". **

***Just in case you're wondering, no, Feliciano will NOT become suicidal, but he's starting to crack. Poor baby. I FELT SO BAD WRITING THIS CHAPTER!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I apologize for the wait. School has been quite demanding as of late and I had to rework large portions of the rest of this story, which actually shrank a little. I'm still not entirely sure how I'll space out the last couple of chapters, but hopefully they won't take as long to put out. I'm pretty sure that there will only be two more chapters, though.**

**At any rate, please enjoy and thank you for all the reviews. :)**

* * *

Anna made a growling noise as she dug through the box of old receipts located in Ludwig's closet.

"It has to be here, somewhere!" she muttered to herself as she checked each receipt, looking for the one she needed to return a handbag that had broken days after its purchase. A crumpled-up receipt lying toward the top layers of paper in the box caught her eye. Anna remembered having crushed the receipt for the handbag after she had bought it, certain that the designer piece wouldn't break.

"Finally!" she sighed as she reached for the ball of paper and unfolded it, scanning the paper for the name of the store. Her breath hitched in her throat.

"W-what is t-this?" she stammered, panic overtaking her.

It was a receipt for a tour to a vineyard in Napa Valley, paid for two. Anna's head swum as she tried to comprehend what she was holding. Because of the baby, they hadn't gone on any trips in the last year, and these were all recent receipts. Ludwig had never mentioned a business trip to Napa Valley. And for whatever reason he had gone to Northern California, he had clearly gone with someone else, someone who wasn't his wife, and if the trip was for pleasure, not with one of his business partners either. Anna closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before she opened them and looked at the receipt in her shaking hands again. It was dated from nine months ago, paid by Ludwig with his signature at the bottom. There was no denying it.

And suddenly, it all made sense. A choked sob escaped Anna's throat as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Late nights working, more business trips than usual, the distance between them that had seemed to grow ever-so-slowly since he'd started working in the new office building.

"_How could this have happened?"_ she thought desperately as she leaned against the wall as the tears began to pour down her pale cheeks. Hadn't she been there for Ludwig? Hadn't they been happy? True, their marriage was arranged, but she'd always thought that things were fine between her and Ludwig. Anna had tried her hardest to be a good wife for Ludwig. She had supported him, listened to him, talked with him, and even given him a child. So why had he done this?

"Ma'am?"

Anna looked up in surprise, not expecting the maid.

"Is everything all right?" the girl asked. Anna swallowed and stood straighter, quickly hiding her tears behind a dignified mask that she had perfected so long ago.

"Everything's fine," she answered tersely before pointing to the box of receipts. "Put that away."

Leaving the maid behind, Anna made her way to the nursery. After grabbing the baby bag, she gently lifted her sleeping daughter from her crib. Fighting back tears, she then went to the garage and instructed her driver to take her to the Edelstein's house. Forty minutes later, she was sitting in front of her friend with a cup of tea, after having told her everything. Elizaveta stared at her, dumbstruck.

"I can't believe it!" she finally said. "Ludwig _never_ struck me as the type of man who would cheat."

"I had thought so, too," Anna replied miserably. "But what else can it be?"

Elizaveta picked up the receipt and looked at it again, biting her lip.

"It looks pretty bad," she admitted. "How long has this been going on?"

"More than a year," Anna whispered, staring down at her untouched teacup. A sharp gasp came from Elizaveta.

"Elizaveta, what am I supposed to do?" she asked desperately, tears once more springing to her eyes. "I'm losing him!"

"Hmm," Elizaveta mumbled, thinking. "If you had more proof, you could confront him."

There was a moment of silence before Anna steeled her resolve. Ludwig was _her_ husband and he was the father of her child. Whatever was going on with this mystery woman, Anna was going to fight to get the man she loved back, for herself, and for Ilse, who deserved to have her father at home.

"How do I get more proof?" she asked, determination finally overcoming the despair that she had been previously feeling. Elizaveta set down her teacup on the coffee table.

"I have an idea."

**

* * *

**

Feliciano waited on his couch, his foot tapping impatiently against the floor. He shifted every few seconds, throwing desperate looks toward the kitchen, waiting for Ludwig to call him and let him know he was there. Twelve anxious minutes later, the phone rang and Feliciano leapt up from the couch to answer it, sighing in happiness when he recognized Ludwig's deep voice on the line. He eagerly let his lover up and threw his arms around Ludwig the second he walked through his front door. Another sigh of relief came from Feliciano's throat when Ludwig was finally in his arms for the first time in nearly a month. Everything was fine now that Ludwig was here. This one wonderful moment was worth everything he'd suffered. Ludwig's arms closed around him and they remained in that embrace.

"I missed you," Ludwig mumbled, breaking the silence first. Feliciano made a happy humming noise.

"I missed you, too," he replied. He had missed him so much. In the months after Ludwig's daughter's birth, he had barely been able to see his lover. Feliciano had been looking forward to their rendezvous today for the last couple of weeks. His arms tightened for a moment around Ludwig before he let go, realizing, now that he took a closer look, that other man looked exhausted. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale.

"Are you feeling all right?" Feliciano asked in concern, reaching up to lay his hand across Ludwig's forehead and check for a fever.

"I'm fine, just tired," Ludwig admitted, rubbing his temples with his hand. At that point, guilt wormed its way into Feliciano's mind. Ludwig was pushing himself so hard to just to see him. Yet at the same time, a certain amount of sick glee filled him when he thought about the devotion Ludwig showed him, that he was doing all of this for Feliciano and for their love. It was one of the thoughts that kept him going when Ludwig wasn't around.

Feliciano lead Ludwig over to the couch, insisting that he "just rest!" Ludwig sat stiffly on the edge of the couch, unaccustomed to relaxing. Feliciano wanted to giggle at him, but instead joined him, maneuvering until he was sitting behind his lover, then began kneading his shoulders gently. Ludwig moaned softly and instantly leaned into Feliciano's touch. A rare smile slipped onto Ludwig's face as Feliciano massaged the tension from his shoulders. After some time, Ludwig's breathing settled into a slow, easy rhythm and Feliciano realized he had fallen asleep.

Feliciano very rarely got a chance to watch Ludwig sleep; even when they had been younger it had usually been Feliciano who fell asleep on Ludwig. Today, still, he would almost always fall asleep before Ludwig and wake up after the other. So this was a rare opportunity; Feliciano took full advantage of it to run his fingers through Ludwig's hair, smiling to himself when he was able to arrange the gelled hairs into strange formations. All of the stress of his daily life and addiction slipped away as Ludwig slept on his lap.

Eventually, Feliciano got up and placed a blanket over Ludwig so that he could go make dinner. He was nearly finished with the gazpacho when Ludwig entered the kitchen, looking much better than he had before now that he had had a few hours of sleep. He pecked Ludwig on the lips when he drew closer and embraced Feliciano again.

"What are you making?" he asked. The simple question shot Feliciano's happy mood up. It was the type of question a husband asked his wife when he got home from work; it made it feel like they were a normal couple, living without any worries or secrets.

"Gazpacho!" he replied joyfully. "Antonio taught me the recipe."

After dinner, they settled on the couch to watch a movie on the new television that Feliciano had spent weeks saving up for. Feliciano snuggled happily into Ludwig's chest throughout the movie. After it was done, he was putting the DVD away when Ludwig walked over to his easel and examined it for a moment.

"Are you still working on this one?"

Feliciano turned around, a small unpleasant feeling rising in him. He hadn't even touched his paints in nearly five months. It had been even longer since he had completed one.

"Yeah," he mumbled, hoping that Ludwig would drop the subject.

"I think you were still working on this one the last time I was here," Ludwig commented. It was more like the last few times. The unpleasant feeling was increasing rapidly and Feliciano squashed it by throwing himself against Ludwig and letting out a throaty, needy moan that distracted the both of them for quite some time.

As they lay together, sweat cooling on their bodies, Feliciano beat down the lingering unpleasant feeling by reminding himself that all he needed to be happy was Ludwig by his side

No matter what else happened, everything would be fine as long as Ludwig was with him. Feliciano was sure of it.

**

* * *

**

The first part of Elizaveta's idea had been easy enough to carry out. She had helped Anna with it, and they had chosen their candidate carefully. During their initial contact, the thick-browed man had reassured them that as long as they could get him a name, an address, or even a telephone number, it wouldn't be long before he could provide them with the proof Anna was looking for. They two women had balked slightly at the price but the man, who had only given them the code name Hong, had assured them that they would get the results they were after.

In the end, Anna had accepted the price.

Actually getting evidence to send to the private investigator was more difficult that either of the women had expected. Ludwig was strict with his policy of to whom he gave his personal information out to and he had few electronic devices that could have answers stored in them. Even if Anna had been able to get to his laptop without her husband noticing, all of his personal information was locked with passwords that he had never told her. It was extremely suspicious and Anna berated herself constantly for not having noticed earlier. All of this made it difficult to find anything other than the receipt from the vineyard to tie Ludwig to his mistress. Their chance finally came on a sunny Saturday when Elizaveta's six-year-old son insisted that he wanted to spend the day with his uncle.

Elizaveta had readily agreed and coerced Ludwig into taking a day off from the work he always brought home and entertaining the boy at the Weillschmidt house. Frederich dragged his uncle outside to play soccer as soon as he had arrived. Ilse was napping and Elizaveta's elder daughter had settled down into one of the living rooms in the house with a book, leaving Elizaveta and Anna free to search for evidence of Ludwig's affair.

The search stretched on, but none of the items in Ludwig's office yielded any information. After some time, Elizaveta found Ludwig's Blackberry hastily shoved in a drawer and she and Anna read his texts eagerly. They were mostly about business, and a few from Anna herself. After the texts revealed nothing, Elizaveta navigated to the email section, but none of the emails revealed anything personal, either. Finally, Elizaveta sighed and placed the PDA back on the desk.

"I don't think we're going to find anything," she said. "Either he's innocent or really good at hiding the evidence."

"I want this all to be some horrible mistake," Anna confessed, "I want to be wrong, but I can't stop myself from being suspicious about every little thing. Even if Ludwig isn't cheating, I _need_ to know for sure. I–" Her voice wavered and she cut herself off. Elizaveta hugged her tightly, wordlessly trying to comfort her. They were interrupted suddenly by the Blackberry on the desk, vibrating as a text message was received. The two women shared a look, then Anna picked up the PDA to check the message, both of them holding their breath, somehow knowing that this text would be the one that they were looking for.

"What does it say?" Elizaveta finally asked, unable to bridle her curiosity any longer.

"'Broke my old phone so here's my new number' and there's a winking face..." Anna read shakily, unable to read aloud the last three words of the text. Elizaveta peeked over her shoulder and saw them anyway. She slid an arm around Anna and hugged her again. There was nothing she could say that would make her cousin-in-law feel any better so she hoped that at least this gesture would be enough. After taking a deep breath, Anna disentangled herself from Elizaveta and picked up a scrap of paper on the desk and a pen, writing down the number quickly.

"I'll call Hong later," Anna said, her voice still shaking. Her worst fears had been confirmed, but she had the information to get rid of the woman who had stolen Ludwig from her.

Soon she would have her husband back.

**

* * *

**

***Don't judge Anna too harshly. Her husband **_**is**_** cheating on her. You can't really blame her for wanting to put a stop to it.**

***Gazpacho is a Spanish tomato soup, served cold. It is incredibly delicious. I had it several times in Spain.**

***Ludwig and Anna's daughter is named Ilse, in case that wasn't clear. Elizaveta's older daughter is named Aria and her son is named Frederich.**

***I wanted to use a Hetalia character for the PI since I have so many original characters in this story already. In case it wasn't clear who it was, it's Hong Kong.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This is the second-to-last chapter. I can't believe I'm almost done already. Enjoy and thank you for all the reviews. ^_^**

**

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**

The three months it took Hong to find out the identity of Ludwig's lover passed excruciatingly slowly for Anna. Anxiously, she waited for the report, both dreading and looking forward to it. While she longed to go back to the ignorant bliss she had lived in before finding the receipt that had ruined her quiet life, she also desperately needed to know the truth of what was going on and put a stop to it. When the thick manila envelope finally arrived, she had immediately called Elizaveta who had arrived twenty minutes later to lend support to her.

With the children out of the room, Anna broke the seal on the envelope with shaking fingers, then slid out the thick packet of papers. At the very front of the paper-clipped packet was a detailed profile with a picture of a man with auburn hair and a large block of text below. Confusion swept through Anna at the sight of the picture.

"_Did he send the wrong file_?" she wondered. Out of curiosity, she skipped the man's personal data and read the note from Hong at the bottom of page first.

"_The telephone number which you gave me belongs to this man. At first, I thought that a mistake had been made with the number, but with no other leads, I had no choice but to investigate Mr. Vargas anyway. As I investigated, it became clear that it is with Mr. Vargas that your husband is carrying on his extramarital affair. _

"_The following pages contain copies and photos which..."_

At that point Anna stopped reading. Horror, shock, and disgust filled her as she removed the paper clip and shifted through the rest of the papers and found reams of copied photographs of her husband cavorting around with the auburn-haired man. Her skin crawled as she realized that Ludwig had touched her with the same hands with which he had touched another man. Bile rose in her throat at the thought of it and the crushing weight of Ludwig's infidelity. Until the undeniable proof had been in front of her, Anna had still entertained the hope that she was wrong. She had wanted to open the report and find nothing, that her Ludwig was innocent, and that she had been worrying for nothing. But now all hope was lost. She could no longer pretend. The proof was in her own hands, pictures of her husband embracing the other man. The other man, that, upon taking a closer look at him, looked disturbingly familiar.

Sheets of paper slipped from Anna's hands as she desperately searched though the loose pages for the first page of the report and finally looked at the information about the man her husband was sleeping with. His name finally registered in her mind as the artist Ludwig had introduced her to at a party nearly two years ago. Anger and humiliation began to weigh in on Anna's emotions as she realized that her husband had stood there and calmly introduced her to his gay lover and she had smiled at the man, talked to him, and even liked him. And the entire time Ludwig had stood there and watched it all happen, without seeming to feel even an ounce of guilt. He had lied to her and played her for a complete fool for nearly two whole years. The sense of betrayal Anna had been nursing since she'd first suspected Ludwig of adultery multiplied.

"Oh, my _God_! Feli!"

Anna's jerked at the sudden exclamation from Elizaveta, who had picked up one of the photographs that Anna had dropped. Tears of shame sprung to Anna's eyes as Elizaveta gawked at the photograph, but she had still clearly heard Elizaveta call out a name.

"'Feli'?" Anna repeated weakly. A look of horror donned Elizaveta's face as she realized that she had blurted out his name without thinking. She bit her lip, looking torn.

"Anna," she finally said. "There's something about Ludwig that I think you should know..."

Anna listened in shocked silence as Elizaveta related the entire story of her husband's relationship with the painter to her. How Ludwig and Feliciano had met in middle school, how they had become close friends, and how that friendship had slowly turned to love. Elizaveta told her about Ludwig's struggle to repress his feelings, and the amount of distress it caused Feliciano to be so bluntly rejected. She told Anna the family pressure that had crushed Ludwig after his brother had been disowned for his sexuality and it how it led to Ludwig's self-imposed separation from the painter after high school despite the feelings she had always suspected remained.

"...And I suppose they met each other again when Feli was painting the mural in the new building and they couldn't repress their old feelings," Elizaveta finished. Her face was an unreadable mixture of pity for all parties involved and something else that Anna was too emotionally exhausted to try to place.

"So what am I supposed to do?" she asked Elizaveta bitterly. "Just let it go because they used to be in love? Let my husband abandon his child because of an old fling?"

"I never said you should do that," Elizaveta stated. "Just... maybe we should rethink how we were going to do this. Feli's been hurt so many times by Ludwig before. I feel awful about causing it to happen again."

Anna had to admit to herself that she did feel a certain amount of pity for the painter after hearing his story, but above all she wanted her husband back. The fact that Ludwig had cheated on her hurt, but the hurt was lessened slightly now that she fully understood how it had happened. She wanted to forgive Ludwig, forget everything, and have her family back. She didn't even care anymore if Ludwig loved her or not. She could live with that–after all, she'd always known that her marriage would be arranged and most likely loveless. The memory of the small amount of happiness she had been able to have with Ludwig before Feliciano had stepped into the picture was enough to satisfy her. What Anna truly wanted now was only to raise her daughter in peace and know that Ludwig would always be there for his little girl instead of being preoccupied with old romances. That peace could never exist for them as long as Feliciano was in Ludwig's life.

With the thought of her precious daughter in mind, Anna made her decision.

**

* * *

**

Feliciano was adding the final ingredients to his lunch when he heard a knocking on his door. Puzzled, he wiped his hands off before heading toward the front door. Ludwig wasn't supposed to come over until later and none of his family members had said anything about coming to visit. Maybe one of his neighbors needed something? Feliciano twisted open the door knob and found himself staring at Ludwig's wife. A spasm of fear shot through him. There was only one reason he could think of that she would be here. He gripped the door frame tightly.

"I'd like to speak with you," Anna said, her voice steeled. "May I come in?"

Feliciano's stomach was sinking but he wordlessly stepped aside and let her into his apartment. She marched straight to his kitchen and sat down at his table, arms crossed defensively over her chest. Feliciano followed her and sat down. She could only be here about Ludwig but Feliciano was not going to let go of him without a fight. Most likely, he reasoned, she only had suspicions. He just had to keep her from finding out the truth. And he was determined to do just that.

"I won't beat around the bush," Anna declared. "I know that my husband's having an affair with you."

Through a great amount of self-control, Feliciano managed to keep his face blank instead of letting any guilt show.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he lied.

Silently, Anna reached into her purse and slid several copied photos across the table. Feliciano's face paled when he saw himself in the pictures, hugging and kissing Ludwig. His hands started to shake at the realization that they had been caught. Despair flowed through him–now that Ludwig's wife was aware of what was going on, she would surely force her husband to leave him. Feliciano didn't think that he could handle Ludwig abandoning him again. He clenched his fists in an attempt to stop their shaking.

"I want you to leave my husband."

Feliciano stared at Anna in disbelief, shocked at the blunt demand.

"What?" he said, incredulously. Anger boiled in his stomach at the thought that she apparently thought she could order him around.

"I want you to leave my husband," Anna repeated, her voice rising slightly in pitch.

"Why should I do that?" Feliciano asked acidly. He was surprised at his own harshness, but the long-harbored ill feelings he had for Anna overrode any guilt he had over speaking so rudely to a woman.

"He's my husband, he belongs at home with me, and with our daughter," Anna stated. Feliciano's stomach lurched unpleasantly at the mention of the child. He had nearly forgotten that Ludwig was a father–Feliciano made it a point not to mention her and Ludwig never brought the child up in conversations, either. He couldn't help but feel guilty about their relationship when he thought about the baby. Feliciano quickly shook himself from his thoughts. He had to hold onto Ludwig. He was certain of that much.

"If Ludwig 'belongs' with anyone, he belongs with _me_," he replied simply. "I've loved him since I was fifteen years old."

"You think I don't love Ludwig?" Anna shot back. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love him."

Feliciano's stomach lurched unpleasantly again at her heartfelt profession. It had been easy to hate Anna when she was far removed from his own life. Now that she was sitting in front of him, desperately pleading with him, it was harder. Though he was loathe to admit it, he saw himself in her. She, too, was dealing with an unrequited love for Ludwig, and he had emotionally abandoned her as well. Pity welled up in Feliciano for the girl, until a ray of light from the kitchen window hit her wedding band and Feliciano remembered just how much she had taken from him. Furious at his own weakness, he shoved the guilty part of his subconscious back violently.

"You don't have any idea what I've been through," he spat, justifying himself out loud. "You don't know what I've done to be with Ludwig, you can't understand how much he means to me! You've never had to struggle for anything in your life! Not even him! You have no idea what you're asking from me!"

"I do," Anna said quietly. "Elizaveta told me everything. That's why I came here today. I could have just as easily shown Ludwig these pictures and demanded that he never see you again but I didn't."

A long silence followed Anna as Feliciano absorbed her words. As much as he would have liked to deny it, he did feel heavy guilt about the fact that Ludwig was married. He had always felt bad about it. Especially when he could see firsthand the amount of pain he was causing Anna. And yet, love was a selfish thing. Though he sympathized with Anna, he wasn't going to let Ludwig go.

"I won't let you take him from me again," Feliciano announced bluntly.

"I see," Anna said, then stood up. "In that case, I'll be speaking to Ludwig about all of this. I am not going to let my child grow up without her father at home. For her, I'd do anything."

Anna turned around and headed for the door.

"And I never took him from you. He left you on his own."

And with that, she left his apartment, the door slamming behind her.

Feliciano sat frozen at his table, horror settling in his stomach, both from the threat of losing Ludwig and the cruel truth Anna had voiced. Shakily, he managed to get to his bed and lie down before his usual insecurities flooded him. Ludwig _had_ been the one who left. He had been the one who had always resisted his feelings when they had been teenagers. He had been the one who had betrayed him.

But he had also been the one to reconcile things between them. He had reached out to Feliciano when they saw each other again after seven years and he had initiated everything in their current relationship. He had taken the risk of getting caught by his wife and he had finally confronted his fear of disappointing his parents. Ludwig had grown so much and he had done so much for Feliciano in the last two years. Feliciano clutched at his head, drowning in confusion.

"I-I love him," he mumbled out loud to himself. "And he loves me. That's all that matters. That's all that matters."

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Feliciano was still confused when Ludwig arrived later that evening. Apparently, he hadn't seen or spoken to Anna yet. Feliciano let out a soft sigh of relief that she hadn't carried out her threat. Not yet, at least.

He let Ludwig into his apartment with a false cheeriness he realized then he usually put on when he was around Ludwig. Trying to distract himself, he kissed Ludwig deeply after the door had closed behind him. When Feliciano pulled back, gasping for air, he looked straight into Ludwig's eyes and was suddenly found himself wondering if Ludwig's daughter had inherited his beautiful eyes. Guilt flooded through him at the though of the child and he pulled back roughly, jerking his eyes away from Ludwig's. Why had he even thought that?

Thoughts about Ludwig's daughter haunted him all night. He could barely even look at Ludwig without feeling unpleasant. After all, he, too, knew what it was like to grow up without a father. His own had died when he was young, and before he had finally succumbed to death, he had been a serious alcoholic and Feliciano had few memories of the man doing anything fatherly. It was affecting him badly to think about leaving someone else with the same burden he had dealt with. Feliciano tried to forget, anyway. But the disturbing thoughts plagued him, even as he and Ludwig were entangled on his bed, moving their sweaty bodies together.

As he lay in bed, still curled into Ludwig's side, sleep evaded him completely. He was still certain that he loved Ludwig and that Ludwig loved him back, but everything was skewed tonight. The deep-seated betrayal that he had always felt from Ludwig was rearing its head, and the guilt he'd always suppressed about their affair was overtaking all of his thoughts.

Feliciano had never felt so wretched in his entire life.

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***This chapter was really hard to write. I still don't feel that it turned out very well. The next chapter will definitely be better.**


	8. Final Chapter

**A/N This is the last chapter. You're all going to hate me by the end. But I regret nothing.**

**Try to enjoy despite everything and thank you for all the reviews. ^_^**

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Long after Ludwig had fallen asleep, Feliciano was still tossing and turning. The conversation with Anna kept playing through his mind over and over. Each time, his guilt grew. He slept a little, but woke often, unpleasant dreams haunting him. After a sleepless night, the guilt had grown even more and Feliciano could no longer bear it. He had been living with the burden of his secret relationship with Ludwig for nearly two years and had never once spoken a word about it to anybody. All of the repressed guilt from the last two years was finally bubbling up and he desperately needed to talk to _somebody_. Feliciano just wasn't sure who. He still didn't want his family to know, but his solitary lifestyle after high school meant that he had no friends to discuss things with either. He had no other choice but to turn to someone in his family.

Lovino would snap and attack Ludwig the second Feliciano revealed the nature of their relationship, and imagining the look of disgust on his grandfather's face when he heard what his grandson had been doing caused Feliciano physical pain. No, he couldn't tell either of them. That left only one person to whom he could confide in. So after Ludwig had left and Feliciano took a shower, he dressed and headed to the apartment his brother shared with Antonio. Luck was on his side; his brother-in-law answered the door and Lovino was no where to be seen.

"Feli!" Antonio greeted cheerfully when he opened the door, grinning broadly as usual. "Lovi's not home right now! He had a lunch to cater but he'll be home in an hour or..." His words trailed off as he began to sense the mood Feliciano was in and the grin slipped off of his face. "Feli, is something wrong?"

"C-can I come in?"

Feliciano's eyes were already burning with that one simple statement. Silently, Antonio stepped aside and let Feliciano into his home. His stomach was roiling with nervousness and he felt like he was about to be sick. Antonio plopped down on the couch and Feliciano joined him stiffly. He swallowed and tried to speak, but his vocal cords rebelled against him and he remained silent. Tentatively, Antonio ventured forth and broke the silence.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about, Feli?"

Feliciano nodded, but again, couldn't form words. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes and knew that he would end up bawling all over his brother-in-law. Sensing his distress, Antonio folded his arms around him and Feliciano's tears began to flow. He cried silently against Antonio, who rubbed his back gently and murmured comforting words in Spanish. Crying brought a certain amount of emotional release for Feliciano and his tears finally slowed to a stop. Antonio reached over to the coffee table and handed Feliciano a box of tissues.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he repeated gently as Feliciano wiped his face clean. He swallowed; he was afraid of Antonio's reaction, but he needed to talk to somebody.

"I-I've been in a relationship with Ludwig for the past two years," he whispered to Antonio, burying his face in the damp tear-stains on his brother-in-law's shirt to avoid seeing his reaction. But he could still feel Antonio jerk in surprise.

"Ludwig?" Antonio repeated, confused. "I thought he had gotten married. Did he and his wife get a divorce?"

Feliciano pressed his face deeper into Antonio's shoulder and braced himself for his reaction before he quietly said, "No. They didn't."

There was a moment of tense silence as Antonio pieced together what had happened. Then, as realization dawned on him, a gasp.

"_Dios mío_."

Feliciano fought the tears that were threatening to spring back up before he launched into the whole story from his first glimpse of Ludwig in the lobby to Anna's visit the day before and her ultimatum to leave Ludwig or have Ludwig forced from him. As he spoke, he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. Antonio had remained silent the entire time and though Feliciano suspected it was because his brother-in-law was disappointed in him, he was grateful for the silence as he spilled his deepest secrets. More tears were shed during some of the harder parts of the story to tell; the details of his growing alcoholism and the fact that he hadn't painted in months chief among them. Antonio's grip on him had tightened throughout the story and when Feliciano had finally finished and looked up at Antonio, he had been surprised to see that Antonio's eyes were watering as well.

"Oh, Feli," Antonio said simply before hugging Feliciano tightly again. He could feel the silent forgiveness in the gesture and for the first time in a very long time, Feliciano relaxed.

"I don't know what to do," he wailed when Antonio's grip slackened. "I don't want to lose him again but I can't stop thinking about his little girl..."

Antonio made a small humming noise as he contemplated the problem.

"I won't tell you what to do," Antonio said finally. "I think that's something that you should figure out on your own. But..." He paused, then bit his lip. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you're really in love with Ludwig."

Feliciano's head whipped up and the glare he sent toward Antonio nearly rivaled some of Lovino's most heated scowls. He shuddered deeply at such a terrifying look on such a sweet-looking man.

"W-what I mean is," Antonio quickly added, cowering under Feliciano's fierce gaze, "You're not in love with the Ludwig he is today."

The glare on Feliciano's face slipped off as confusion replaced it. Antonio considered his words carefully before he continued, trying to word the idea that had been nagging him all throughout Feliciano's confession without upsetting the fragile man.

"From what you've told me, it sounds like you're still in love with Ludwig, but the Ludwig you remember from high school, not the Ludwig he is today. You don't really love the man he is now. You love the man you remember but you can't separate the two. Because the truth is, he's different now. You both are. But it's hard to admit that someone you love isn't perfect; it's hard to stop making excuses and face the fact that you have problems.

"I know how that is," Antonio continued, a slight smile on his face. "You always try to ignore the worst qualities of the person you love. You make excuse after excuse for the things they do, and try to reason out why they hurt you. You never want to admit that there are things about him that are less than perfect. You love him so much you never want to say or do anything that'll hurt him in even the littlest way.

"But sometimes you have to. It's the only way you can work things out and make your relationships last. You want everything to be perfect, but you have to admit it when there are problems so that you can fix them. The problem here is that your relationship has flaws that you'll _never_ be able to fix. Ludwig will _always_ choose his family over you. It's been that way since Day One."

Antonio fell silent after that. Feliciano pulled his knees up into his chest, contemplating everything his brother-in-law had just said.

"I-I... I think you might be right," Feliciano said weakly, pressing his forehead against his knees, more tears burning in his eyes. A dull ache formed in his chest as he finally admitted it aloud. He wasn't sure about what Antonio had said about being in love with Ludwig's memory rather than his actual self. The feelings he had for Ludwig seemed real to him, but there was no denying the last point his brother-in-law had brought up: Ludwig's devotion to his family would never fade. Even if Anna failed to separate him from Ludwig, it would hardly matter. Time after time, Ludwig had clearly shown where his loyalty lied. And it was not with Feliciano.

The revelation was painful; one of the most painful things that Feliciano had ever had to deal with. He clutched for support and Antonio wrapped his arms around Feliciano as he thought about everything and what he was now certain he was going to do. They were still embracing when a key twisted in the lock and Lovino stormed in. He froze at the sight of his brother and his lover hugging on the couch. When he registered the tear tracks coursing down Feliciano's cheeks, Lovino immediately picked up a decoration sitting on the hall table and stomped forward, brandishing the book end dangerously.

"What the hell did you do to my brother, you bastard!" Lovino screamed. Feliciano shrank back while Antonio smiled breezily, obviously use to these sort of confrontations.

"Lovi!" he called out happily. "Feli came to come see you but he didn't know you had work! We were just watching Titanic on Showtime to pass the time while we waited for you." He let out a loud sniff for effect and Feliciano was surprised to see that the TV was on. Titanic had indeed been playing on mute the entire time he and Antonio had been talking and now the credits were rolling. "The ending made us a little emotional."

Lovino dropped the book end and sighed angrily.

"You idiots were upset over _that_? That movie's stupid!" Lovino snapped. "Jack and Rose only know each other for two days! You can't fall in love in two days! And why the hell didn't Jack swim further and try to find his own damn door to float on? And it's not like they would've lasted if they had lived anyway!"

Lovino continued to rant about the film as he disappeared into his and Antonio's bedroom to change. Antonio leaned down and gave Feliciano one last comforting hug.

"Don't worry," he whispered to him. "I won't ever tell anybody what you've told me today. All right?"

"Thank you," Feliciano whispered back.

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Feliciano grunted as he swung his duffel bag over his shoulder, the heavy bag striking his side. Struggling under its weight, he crossed to the kitchen where his grandfather was waiting for him with his other suitcase. The apartment was devoid of any furniture; Feliciano had sold it all very quickly. His paintings and supplies had already been packed away and shipped out. His personal items had all fit inside the two bags. Romano came up behind him and clamped his hand down on his grandson's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

"Are you ready to go?" Romano asked him, smiling weakly. Feliciano nodded back just as weakly.

"Yeah, just... Give me a minute."

Another squeeze on his shoulder, then Romano left the apartment, rolling the lighter suitcase behind him. Feliciano sighed as he looked around the bare rooms where he had lived for the past seven years. There were so many memories locked into the place; he quickly closed his eyes before he started thinking too much about what he was doing. Feliciano reached into his pockets and pulled out an envelope which he laid gently on the kitchen counter. His heart clenched and he quickly spun on his heel and left the apartment behind him for good. He locked his door with hands that shook. Romano saw how upset Feliciano was and gently hugged him.

"I know it's hard to leave home," Romano said comfortingly. "I felt the same way when I brought you and your brother back here from Italy. It was the first time I'd even left my village! At least you're staying in the country! You'll be all right."

Feliciano smiled weakly at his grandfather. Of course, he had no idea of the real reason why Feliciano wanted to leave Los Angeles behind, but his words comforted him anyway.

"It'll be good for you," Romano declared. "A change of scenery'll be just the thing you need to clear that art block."

"Yeah," Feliciano mumbled before following his grandfather down the stairs of his apartment building, only making a stop to turn in his keys to the building manager. Lovino and Antonio were waiting in Antonio's car for them and, after loading Feliciano's two bags, they drove to the Greyhound bus station. After they exchanged good byes, Feliciano got on the first of many buses that would take him far away from Ludwig.

He was leaving.

Feliciano had made his decision after his enlightening talk with Antonio. He'd come to realize a lot of things after he'd decided to leave Ludwig. Staying in a relationship with him was unhealthy for Feliciano. He could see that clearly now. It drained him of his normal personality, his inspiration, and had led him to the level of alcoholism that had killed his father. It was for these reasons he had chosen to cut off his relationship with Ludwig and move to New York. He wanted to escape everything in Los Angeles that was keeping him a wreck. He wanted to go somewhere far away so that he could finally heal from the wounds Ludwig had unknowingly inflicted on him.

More than anything else, he wanted to paint again. The emotional backlash from his relationship had cost him the only thing that had given his life purpose. It had robbed him of the only thing he was good at, the only thing that brightened his meager life. In New York he could live without distractions and finally get back to doing what he loved. Feliciano was looking forward to it. Getting back to painting was the only thing that dulled the ache Feliciano felt from leaving Ludwig.

Even though their relationship had nearly ruined him, Feliciano still loved Ludwig. Casting off over a decade of his feelings for the man wasn't easy; Feliciano wasn't sure if he'd ever truly be able to forget Ludwig. He had to, though; their relationship had truly ended now. The letter Feliciano had left in his apartment was a good bye letter for Ludwig. Feliciano knew that they would never see each other again after this. Tears pricked at his eyes but he blinked them back. He was finished crying over Ludwig.

Feliciano leaned against the window of the bus and watched the scenery pass him as they left Los Angeles. Eventually, the rocking of the vehicle lulled him to sleep.

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***To clarify, Antonio and Romano are not actually married, but since they've been together for over ten years, everyone around them pretty much considers them a married couple and refers to them as such.**

***Antonio is usually oblivious and silly, so writing him in a serious, insightful mood was weird. I hope it worked. He was the only character I could use to knock some sense into Feliciano.**

***I ended up having a severe confidence drop halfway through writing this fic, so I ended up forcing myself to write most of it. I hope that didn't affect the quality.**

**I'd like to thank you all for reading this story and supporting it. It was one of the hardest things I've ever written and all of your reviews kept me going. I've started another Prucan AU and I'm going to restart work on my Gerita AU that I've been neglecting so far. **


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